Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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