it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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