i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
