I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
