Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
