if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
