Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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