you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
