then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
