you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
