It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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