how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
