You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
