I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
