you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
