Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
