onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
