oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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