so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize