I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
