felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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