i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
