FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
