I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
