Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
