areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
