He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
