I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
