It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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