Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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