My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The chlamydia really affected his face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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