She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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