my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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