Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
