the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
