I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Drunk is not a location!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
