Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
