2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
