You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize