as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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