That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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