So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
