Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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