you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
