i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
