I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
