I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
