sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
