Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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