remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
