this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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