two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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