So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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