a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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