i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
