Pants 0. Shit 1.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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