paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the condom got lost in my hair
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
