Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
