1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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