the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like eating out sand paper
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
