i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
