dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
