it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize