Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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