oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
