Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
