let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
