Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
