This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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