I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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